I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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