You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
