I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
