Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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