Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
