My liver just broke up with me...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
