There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
