My sheets look like a crime scene.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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