Are we in a gay sports bar?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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