He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
