According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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