And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
