I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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