You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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