Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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