Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
