I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
