LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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