You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
