Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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