i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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