Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
