Buhtt sex?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
