we have pet lesbian snakes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
