I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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