You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
