WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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