I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
