My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
