True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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