physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?