Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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