What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
