my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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