The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
