Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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