My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
