I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
