Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
