what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
