the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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