Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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