I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
