pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
