I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
