its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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