Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
