oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
