well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
