Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize