Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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