I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
