So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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