I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
