Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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