shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
