i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
