You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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