yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize