I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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