Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
