STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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