i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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